What Women Say About…

  • How do you the world now versus when you were a child?

S. R., 37 – Tennessee

As a child I was so hopeful. It’s because as a child you don’t know what you don’t know. Everything you’re taught is just a theory. You haven’t actually had a chance to put it into practice. I was taught all these things and I was equipped and empowered to have pretty much what I needed to be a functional adult and then when you get out here and you realize what the world is really like, it can be quite discouraging. I personally think that it shouldn’t be that hard. You try to do the right thing, you operate with integrity, you try to get an education, follow the rules of the land and things of that nature, but yet things seemingly don’t go as planned or as they should. When I look at the things going on around me in the world, I don’t anticipate it getting any better any time soon. A lot of times I see a lot of people getting all caught up in these politicians and what they’re saying and doing and I’m like, “I don’t think it matters who’s in office, we’re still going to be fucked up for a while.”

Now, the only thing that gives me hope is my own capabilities. I’ve gotten to the point where I try not to focus too much on factors that I know I can’t control, I just stay the course based on the things I can control and I can do. I know that I can get up everyday and make sure the actions and commitment that I have, gets me closer to where I want to go. I just keep moving forward.

  • What would you do differently if you could give your younger self some guidance?

B.R., 64 – Louisiana

The old adage: I wish I’d known then what I’d known now, or I wish I had been more assertive, or challenged, not at work or in my career so much as I mean more challenged in someone pushing me to be more. I wish I had pushed myself to be more or I had been more confident to push myself, and at a younger age. I wish I was more cognizant of the fact that I could have been an entrepreneur at 40 or 45 but I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I would hate to go back to my 20s but I would go back to my late 30s. If I could arm myself with the knowledge that I had now, it would be quite different, my mindset or even career path. I would have maximized what I did more. Now what I currently do now in my job, I have been very inspired by the women I’ve met.

What was missing when I grew up? I did not have the female mentors. When I was getting into the business world, women were few and far between, I didn’t really have anyone I could talk to about ‘How do I do this?” The women I was working with when I first started working were more in the secretarial field. In the company I worked in, I was the second female to be hired and we were the only two and (thankfully) formed a good bond and became friends. We had to rely on each other more so than we could with the men. It was the oil and gas industry before sexual harassment laws – and it was [a] very different [time].

F. M., 45 – New York

I think the problem with me at 20 years old was that I wanted to control everything. Instead of just letting things unfold, I had to fix it, I had to control it, I had to make it right, even when it couldn’t be. I would tell her to Let It Go. You can’t fix this; you can’t change this; it’s not going to happen. Let it go. Stop losing sleep over it. Stop worrying about it.

At that time, my grandmother used to tell me to pray or worry, but don’t do both. And I always did both. I would pray and ask God to fix it and then I would worry about it anyway.

Worry or pray, but don’t do both. Once you’ve prayed about it then let it go, because if you sit around worrying, you’re telling God you don’t believe he is going to fix it.

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I see Them. I see You. I see Me. Woman Sees World.

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The Great Equalizer

Rushing, turning, immeasurable

Force, life force, the great unknown

Chase it and watch it disperse, evaporate

Hope for it and see it linger just out of reach

Fear it and find its darkest side

Be open but not searching, the great mystery includes you.

Crash, boom, BANG, there it is

“It.” What the ancients wrote about,

composers rhapsodize about,

the one human experience that is grasped tightly while being un-explainable.

We can all experience it, yet it cannot be contained.

The story changes while it stays the same. Time and again, it can befall anyone.

It, the tide, the surge. chemistry, tingling and then depth.

Un-contained, unexplained or willed into or away from, for that is the mystery.

It, we can experience up or down, for it is Love. Even some of the darkest of us experience love. As the great equalizer, two souls intertwine to create.

Create a feeling, a mutual, non-mutual, visceral yes or no.

Beyond all logic and intention, it equalizes even the strongest of wills to its wiles.

It cannot be chosen for it chooses us. Love fuels while it resists the human function,

Existing on a plane all its own.

It cannot be defined other than to call it indefinable.

Love is the great equalizer beyond philosophy and doctrine

Beyond culture and laws.

Surrounding each conscious being is the capacity to be equalized by love.

Humbled, crushed, exalted, ruined by that one uncontrollably and yet all at the same time, controllable, element.

For as we further embrace oneness with each other, acknowledge the unknown and recognize the unexplainable,

Love, as equalizer, erases the barriers.

****In honor of the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States – 6-26-2015.****

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I see Them. I see You. I see Me. Woman Sees World.

Thank you for following the WSW blog.

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Nostalgic Heart

Nostalgia – what a strong feeling it is when you see and feel the changes in your life taking place as they are happening. You know that it is memories being created in real time, slipping through your fingers just as they caress you. What a bittersweet and special feeling to experience life in a series of moments!

Moments make up the psyche – the fond jokes, the tender looks, the pictures of perfect afternoons and the life altering events…so many moments in varying degrees give an instant emotion to the image floating in your mind.

It’s as if you can touch these moments while they happen and if you open your heart enough, you can feel them imprinting your memories. To know when a certain era of your life is unfolding and soon will be in the past is an interesting parallel to live upon because just as the cycle is never ending, so it ends.

Remember when he rubbed my forearm one morning a few months ago, tickling me softly with his finger tips to gently wake me up for the day? Remember when my sweet doggie got her first birthday cake 11 years ago? Can’t you just see in your mind the Grand Canyon the first time you saw it? Doesn’t the rush still tingle your spine from the time you went skydiving? Yes! To all of them.

Like a rainstorm of emotion, I feel the moments wash back over me. For a split second I actually feel the way I felt in those moments, and my heart smiles while my tummy flips a little. What a rush, I love it!

In the dictionary, nostalgia is defined as a yearning for the happy feelings of a time past – but for me it’s more complex than that. The yearning is to capture that moment once again, but not to go back and never leave again. Instead, I remember and become happy it was there. I see moments happening and know it’s passing and notice the moments before they become nostalgia. Oh yes, notice life as it happens.

Looking back on these lately, I feel ever stronger the presence of mortality, not in a morose way but rather the reality that this life has a time limit. As cliché as it is, it makes life more precious. It’s easy to understand why keeping the mind clean and refusing to engage in pettiness and anger inducing activities can allow for a headspace that cultivates peace of mind.

I encourage everyone to always stop and revel in these memories when they happen. Feel the magic of your favorite moments…alive in your mind once again. I look forward to the day we can really replay them in a virtual world, or something cool like that! HA! Who knows what is possible if we can harness our humanity in enough time to keep up with our technology! 😉

On a Sunday morning when you’re sipping coffee on the porch, midday when you’re looking out the window of your office, while driving the same way you used to go to high school, when you see a movie that makes you think of home – wherever that moment is, capture it and FEEL it – savor it, relive it, breathe it in for it only lasts another moment before you’re pulled back into everyday life, once again. Nostalgia is a fun ride into the greatest technology on Earth, the human brain!

Capture the moments, hold on to them, revisit them when you can use a lift in spirits. Enjoy. Repeat.

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I see Them. I see You. I see Me. Woman Sees World.

Thank you for following the WSW blog.

Follow us on Twitter @womansees and Facebook here.

Harness the Comet

One experience, one perspective

Each one experiences from only one vantage point

All while absorbing a thousand others.

Contain, sustain, train, maintain, campaign,

Whirlwind and back again.

Life – the great adventure.

People – the great confusion.

Come here for non-stop excitement, ups and downs, the ultimate mind fuck…

adventures, joys, terrors, sadness and the gamut are on this ride.

No wonder the masses stay discombobulated…not sure where to focus.

So is Life, the ultimate experience – we forget and come back, do it all again.

Life the Adventure pursues…Come one, come all,

Life will take you far and wide, show you light and dark

and overload your senses

until becoming lost seems the solution.

And then it isn’t.

The adventure is to find footing and gain balance. The inner self can transcend bodily experience.

Life, the world…beastly in its many disguises – changes in demeanor, shape, purpose, body, mind…spirit.

To tame the beast…is just a game, after all.

Beyond what can be contained – life, like trying to catch a comet, cannot be captured, only harnessed.

No taming needed.

Harness the energy, harness inward, harness the stars. Harness the comet known as life.

Ride and soar well past the lost places all the way to that glorious moment when you just KNOW.

Life is a movie. The writer, director and producer control the star of the show.

Do you write and direct your own life? If not, fire the staff and take over, pronto!

Compassion for Ne’er-Do-Wells – Redirecting Energy

Trolls. The stuff of fantasy books, trendy toy fads and most recently trolls have come to signify those who hang out online to spread aggression, disdain and general negativity. We’ve all heard of them and many of us have probably been targeted by them. I suppose once you’re officially targeted by Internet trolls, you’ve made it to some “level” of “notoriety” enough to get the attention of the trolls. Not so fast. You know that trolls, in general, spend countless hours not interacting directly with humans but instead are perusing the Internet, looking for bait, making sure they’re on alerts to any post that may bring up something they want to fight/harass about at any given moment. So that means that it probably isn’t a status symbol unless you’re so famous/infamous that you’re automatically a target.

The rants, the comments, the “trolling” and stalking aren’t a crusade to change opinions…as if opinions can be changed via verbal abuse. But then, that’s not why they do it, is it? It’s really a simple exchange of energy. They crave food (negative reactions) and in order to get food they have to go fishing (trolling select target genres) using bait (comments) which are either flat out attacks or more subtly, the bait is a comment left in in such as way as to imply they may be up for a conversation. Of course we know or soon find out, in fact, that they are not the least bit interested in discussion. Trolls simply need ONE nibble (response) at their bait and it’s time to set the hook (ridiculous amount of comments to the original one response). If the bait is taken, then the exchange of energy is 100-fold, in an attempt to elicit an even BIGGER response from the target, which would then generate an even BIGGER troll attack. It’s a simple energy extraction.

But then, what’s the rule?? Don’t feed the trolls, right? Very true.

So what’s the compassion part? Honestly, trolling is an emotional outlet – probably the only one the trolls have. Who knows what circumstances and experiences led them to this mental state where they feel “empowered” to be hateful to others, anonymously. (Empowered and anonymous do not coalesce.) If your life consists of more than just work and trolling the internet, you most likely have more outlets with which to express yourself and be heard, and most likely with your own identity, not anonymously. The anonymity gives trolls their power, power that is most likely unavailable to them in the real world. However, virtual worlds are a safe haven and a place to become a master – a master to bring displeasure to others and find camaraderie and fraternity with those who are willing to do the same. The majority of trolls fit into a basic category. Research about Internet trolling and those who target others for negative harassment confirm that reality.

Never underestimate the power of emotional pain and frustration. Angst, anger, pain, torment at lack of power and control over circumstances, sadism, narcissism – all these things come from a dark place, a hole that cannot seem to be filled by anything other than making others feel yucky things. Maybe it’s the only way they feel less of the abyss, the emotional darkness, when they spread it to someone else. Darkness comes at us in all forms, and maybe even from people you’d never suspect of having such anger or sadism in them. Even if we are happy and completely stable and doing everything with integrity, we can become the target of negative energy – because it’s not about us – it’s about that person at that moment and his/her own internal workings.

With that, I choose compassion for haters and ne-er-do-wells because it’s the only thing that neutralizes the effect of their energy (and don’t get me wrong, I get angry and want to direct the same negativity right back, but that only feeds the beast and generates more of it). Resist the urge to engage, release the need to be affected by the comments of others and redirect any attacks (online or otherwise) into positive energy for yourself. It’s fuel, you know why? Because when you are the subject of negativity, obviously you affected someone, got their attention (maybe not in a way you wanted) and their reaction comes from fear, envy, sadism, narcissism, et cetera, NONE of which are under your control.

What other people do is ALWAYS about them and NEVER about you. Take nothing personally, ever, even if done directly to you, because people do things from their own perspective and for their own reasons that typically have NOTHING to do with you or what’s really happening. By refraining from engaging or reacting, your energy gets to stay with you and can remain your own fuel instead of food for a hater. When you resist the negativity vacuum, you maintain your inner peace.

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I see Them. I see You. I see Me. Woman Sees World.

Thank you for following the WSW blog.

Follow us on Twitter @womansees and Facebook here.

Full Circle

Accumulating everything that one can experience and feel – the “all that we’ve been through” moment between me, myself and I – I have to say that self-reflection, self-acceptance and self-growth are BY FAR the most gratifying. Oh my, Oy! I’m growing up…I’m grown up. (Deep breath, pat on back.) Maturity thy name is…me! Well for sure, I’ve grown MUCH in the last five, 8, 10 years and seriously, it’s been a whirlwind of overwhelming-ness the past five, and I have the memories to prove it. Through it all, through the bad and the joyous, awareness crashed upon me. With maturity, with growth, comes acceptance and inner power. Watching the Universe produce the life I decide and create, on my terms, is just a bleepin’ beautiful thing!

Isn’t it astounding how life can truly come back around full circle? It really does, even beyond those times when you thought you got off the ride so long it couldn’t be restarted – but of course it could – with tenuous inner work and care, learning to love the self, reigniting and reclaiming your (my) own power!

Damn, it feels good!

There are many of us in our mid-thirties who by age 30 had set up our lives they way our 20-something-selves saw fit and later realized (a sinking feeling that set in years before) that we didn’t make the right choice. Maybe we didn’t make the best choices earlier in life, and then maybe those choices were just what we needed/could benefit from “at the time.” Sure it’s cliché, but clichés come from a truth that’s been overdone. We definitely made some missteps, some wrong decisions that led us to begin building our lives with the wrong partner, career mistakes, detours, et cetera. But things change and we have changed!

I speak for us (mid-30s, GenXers, anyone born in late 1970s to 1981) and the reclamation period of life that is our time right now! Love, career and self fully in tact or at least on their way to being so. We know what we want and know exactly how to get it! No more of detours or excuses!

Life is always happening right now, but just right now. The past is history, the future’s a mystery…that old chestnut.

But the truth is, that’s true! I’m in the prime of my life and I can see all the past movements on the path, the script, the story of my life and how those actions/decisions/movements all led me to right now. I also see how it was impossible for me to forsee each movement to bring me to this place. This dimension doesn’t allow any other scenario. Everything does come full circle – what you want/need out of love, work, one’s own experiential reality, an appreciation beyond just the self – but not until one is ready to accept it…period.

I did lose myself in the muck for few years. Maybe I flailed a bit from my core, flying out from the center like a moon out of orbit from it’s planet or a sailboat with a broken sail in the middle of stormy ocean waters, (that yes, I put myself in and yes, I had to learn the hard [aka experiential] way, but with the disclaimer that such decisions also came from the fact that I was inexperienced). Overall, though, what’s important is acknowledging vulnerabilities to work past them and gain inner strength. Those choppy waters and stormy skies didn’t (and cannot) take me down, no, no no! Just as I knew (and know) what I’m made of and that I could (can) do it, I got (get) ME back and here I am – me, life, inspired creativity burning my brain once again! Full circle.

And even if it drives me batty and sometimes scares me and I thrash around, I love this ride of being human!

Gimmie those waves! I’m ready to surf. 😉

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I see Them. I see You. I see Me. Woman Sees World.

Thank you for following the WSW blog.

Follow us on Twitter @womansees and Facebook here.

Accepting the Self – a Poem

Feeling my way back toward

Inner happiness and acceptance.

What is the path, where is the start?

Here and now, me, within – not outside

Take me, Lead me, Show Me, Follow Me

Passion surging my brain, seeking outlet

Then blocked, reopened and spilling forth.

Ebb and flow, waves of anger and acknowledgment

Acceptance and letting go – what they did, what I did.

I define me, even in midst of swirling uncertainties, only me, only I.

Finding a way back to inner truth, inner reflection, inner acceptance

Brings an understanding to my own heart and mind – I am who I am

Whether it seems like it or not, that is enough, even though it isn’t, it is.

Tears of pain, anguish at lost time, struggle and strife to find my way, freedom.

Realizing my own creation within, storm brewing in my mind as a framework

For my next big thing, project, path, work…me, my identity in my work, strong,

But it doesn’t control me, for I do that now, for the detours are closed, for I am.

Right now, time eternal, myself, my life, is good enough, even though it isn’t, it is.

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I see Them. I see You. I see Me. Woman Sees World.

Thank you for following the WSW blog.

Follow us on Twitter @womansees and Facebook here.