It’s dumbfounding to me that I can still be shocked at how people can really block another person’s progress. Or rather, amazed at how you can let yourself LET it happen, even when you know that person is draining you with every single interaction – whether it be a text, phone call, invitation to lunch – any interaction, all interactions leave you feeling drained, used and coveted by a selfish energy that feeds off your own energy (in order to refuel the hole in itself). That is, a person who is one of the closest to you turns out to be a drain, and they’ve been draining you for years but you, until now, kept shooing it away, letting them have their “moment,” but the moment never ended. The temporary insanity that you excused because you thought your friend was just flailing for a bit and would soon get back on track, is not temporary. Said friend DOES NOT get back on track and instead ignores your comments and hints at “spending less time together” and further insists on taking you on their crazy ride. You can’t always be there for someone – especially when that someone ALWAYS needs you, wants to talk something over with you, twists to obligate you into things constantly, and never offers you a break.
Thanks to a former “best friend” for reminding me once again why I have always rejected that term of reference for a person. It’s too much pressure, which is why I made a deal with myself as a child that no one would be given that title ever again. Close friend, dear friend, one of my closest – maybe, but never, ever will I call someone my BFF again. It’s LAME anyhow! BFF is a term for teenage girls, not adults.
Best friends obligate themselves to one another because they call each other BEST – “I have to accommodate her because she’s my best friend.” Therein lies the Fallacy of Best Friend. By labeling it, an undue pressure is then put upon it and the more vulnerable of the two will be overwhelmed by the needier of the two. It works in the same way that FAMILY obligates us because we’re related – but when they impose loyalty due to blood relation, it’s actually a more valid imposition than when a friend does it, because the friend is there by our choice. And we can change our minds!
From here on out, anyone who I consider that close to me is my dear friend or one of my dearest or closest friends. The word BEST is not to be used. Not that I really did use it, but it’s how it gets portrayed and tossed around, people refer to her as your best friend and over time – it just sinks in – and then you accept it and say “best.” Then when pressure is applied, said BFF becomes one of those friends that becomes overly needy and commences to take up your time and hang on and insist upon you, simply because she feels you will stand by her. She becomes unnervingly comforted by the concept “Best Friends” and it doesn’t matter what a burden she then becomes because we are “locked in” as lifetime friends. Heck, she even insists she is really family, after all, you’ve been friends for years!
Just like any other relationship, the moment one or the other “takes for granted” what they have, assuming it will always be there, that’s when the relationship is starting to disconnect. Disconnection leads to disillusion leads to decay. So you see this process happening, but you still resist it, not wanting it to be true. Then you steadily realize, perhaps that needy friend didn’t just become one, but has always been an energy vampire.
Clever little creatures, energy vampires.
Seriously, it’s uncomfortable to believe that I could let myself be so vulnerable to other’s energies. Yet here in lies the human experience. No matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise, we are completely and utterly AFFECTED by other human beings. The only way to truly get in touch with the Self or Spirit or Nature is to disconnect from the conglomeration of US and THEM out there and re-member what is really going on here.
We’re all human and going through pretty much the same experiences, to different degrees, of course, but the same nonetheless. We cannot let other people drag us down into their abyss because we have our own struggles to contend with that take every bit of our focus and energy. No one can afford to throw it away on those who simply wish to just TAKE it from us! Have compassion but don’t give up your own peace of mind for others. We ARE all connected and affect each other, so it makes sense that working on the SELF is better for us (individually and collectively) than trying to fix others in our lives.
Happy SELF = Happy Relationships!
Since we are so very affected by others (and our own incessant brains churning out thoughts), it seems much more beneficial to be fully engaged and connected to ourselves and our path, fulfilled, within our own minds. Otherwise it’s just too easy to give away our energy to those eager to take it from us.
Life is hard enough to figure out for yourself without having a “friend” or “relative” who is supposed to care for you, treat you with disrespect and suck or pull at your energy all the time. They are simply contacting you to syphon off your good vibes for their own, leaving you drained and looking for excuses to avoid them. Why still have that person in your life if that’s your relationship?
DROP THEM! It is OK to close chapters and let people leave your life. If they are not serving you, let them drift away. At least reduce contact if you can’t end it altogether. Limit your exposure to energy vampires because they are desperate and conniving creatures (even if unconscious of their effects on others) that simply live off of others’ good energy because they cannot create their own. This includes parents, siblings, “best” friends, lovers, acquaintances, childhood friends. Stand up for yourself and remember the FALLACY of OBLIGATION! You can only obligate yourself to others, they cannot MAKE you do anything.
So unless you are truly willing to unplug – go off-grid and live in the woods – then internal tools are needed to block and counteract the effect of others’ energies. Start with shooing the vampires away and restore your energy for YOU!
Interesting article on releasing them: Narcissim Free-Releasing Energy Vampires
Moving on to ME!!!
Go within and KNOW THYSELF, fully, all the way, and energy vampires can never have my power!
Follow us on Twitter @womansees.